Reputation
by paulmcuk
Summary: After breaking up with Jeremy, Natalie needs to feel wanted. But she seeks to fill that need in a way which upsets her friends, and seriously jeopardises her reputation.


BREAK-UP TWO WEEKS  
  
Natalie gazed around the club searching out her friends. Dana and Kim had brought her here to "take your mind off that jerk Jeremy", as Kim had so nicely put it. They were now both hidden somewhere amongst the heaving throng on the dance-floor. She, Natalie, had declined to join them. She wasn't in the mood. In fact she wasn't in the mood to be here at all. She wanted to find them so that she could tell them she was leaving.

"Hi."

She looked up to find a man standing by her table.

"Hello."

"I er, noticed you seemed to be on your own."

"Actually I'm not. It's just that my friends seem to have forgotten me."

"Your friends must be girls, right?"

"Unless they're really good at keeping secrets. How did you guess?"

"Because no man in his right mind could forget you."

Jeremy could, she thought to herself, but she enjoyed the compliment so rewarded the man with a warm smile. He smiled back. "Mind if I keep you company till they remember you?"

"Thanks, but I'm not really in the mood for company tonight."

"That's too bad" said the man. "Sure I can't change your mind?"

She shook her head. "I don't think so. After all, for all I know you could be an axe-wielding maniac."

"I haven't wielded an axe since high-school" he replied with a smile. "I doubt I could remember how." He paused. "But just to reassure you I'll stay firmly on the opposite side of the table. I'll even sit on my hands if you like." She smiled and he could tell he was winning. "And you won't have to buy another drink for the rest of the night."

She surrendered. "Well, what girl could resist free drinks?"

"So I can join you?"

"You can. Once you've introduced yourself like a proper gentlemen."

He grinned. "Sorry, I'm Tony." "Natalie. How do you do." "All the better for meeting you." "Smooth talker. Now go buy me a drink." He smiled. "What are you having?"

Natalie looked at her watch. "I think it's time for me to go home."

It was getting late. Dana and Kim had departed an hour earlier. Seeing she had company they had engaged in a sort of universal sign language from across the room to establish that:- a) they were leaving now; b) they thought Tony was "hot"; c) Natalie didn't wish to accompany them; and d) she didn't think he was an axe-wielding maniac.

"Already?" asked her companion.

"I'm afraid so. I have work in the morning and my boss likes me to be awake."

"That's very unreasonable."

"I know, she's like that."

"Well I suppose, gentleman that I am, I should see you safely home."

"You don't have to."

"But I'd like to." Natalie knew that he would try and get into her bed once they got to her place, but she felt he was the type that would take no for an answer. Plus she had enjoyed his company and might like to see him again. Let him take you home, she thought to herself. "Ok then."

Once home she got out of the cab, and so did he. "Do I get invited in for coffee?" he asked. "Do you expect to be?"

"It is traditional."

"Also traditional is the guy trying to get a little more than coffee."

"I cannot tell a lie. I was indeed going to try."

"I knew it."

"So, now that you know my evil intentions, can I come up?"

Natalie considered. Sex on the first date (although technically they hadn't even had a first date yet) wasn't usually her thing. She liked the guy to put in a little effort first, show some commitment. But Tony seemed a nice guy. He was good-looking; he was funny. And she had been feeling lonely in bed lately. She made her decision. She looked up at him. "What the hell. Come up."  
  
BREAK-UP FOUR WEEKS  
  
"I can't. I have a date."

Natalie was explaining to Dana why she couldn't have dinner with her.

"You always have a date. Cancel."

"I can't just cancel. A date's a date. I hate it when people cancel on me, so I don't cancel on people."

"I'm sure Tony won't mind."

"I'm not seeing Tony."

"You're not?"

"I haven't seen Tony for two weeks. We only went out twice."

"I thought you liked Tony."

"I did, he was a nice guy."

"So why did you break up?"

"We didn't."

"But you just said...."

"We didn't break up because we were never really going out. It was just casual. A fling."

"Oh, ok. So who have you been dating?"

"Other guys."

"Guys plural?"

"Uh-huh."

"In two weeks? How many?"

"Including tonight's?"

"If you like."

"Three."

"So including Tony that's four different guys in three weeks."

"I can't fault your math."

"You're really trying to get Jeremy out of your system aren't you?"

"He's out of it. I'm just having fun."

"So how come you never told me about the other two?"

"They weren't really around long enough to be worth mentioning."

"But what were they like?" Natalie shrugged.

"Ok."

"Only ok?"

"Only ok. I told you Dana, I'm just having fun. I'm not looking for Mr Wonderful."

"Did you....?"

"Yes Dana. That's what I mean when I say I'm having fun."

Dana pursed her lips. "That kind of fun can be dangerous Natalie."

"I know Dana, I'm not stupid. I take precautions. Or rather, I make them take precautions."

"I should hope so. So who's the new guy?"

"His name is...." She broke off, frowning.

"You don't know his name?"

"Hang on, he gave me a card." She pulled a business card out of her pocket. "His name is Michael Hastings. Ooooh, and he's stockbroker!"

"Natalie!"

"What?"

"You know nothing about this guy."

She shrugged. "I know he's reasonably hot. I know his name, and what he does. And I deduce from what he does that he has lots of money with which to show me a good time. Which right now is all I'm looking for." She grinned. "Except of course for great sex."

BREAK-UP FIVE WEEKS  
  
"Good morning" said Dan breezily as he passed Natalie's desk.

"Is it?"

He stopped and looked at her. "You look like hell."

"Smooth talker."

"I'm serious. You look like you didn't get any sleep at all last night."

Natalie smiled a weak smile. "Guess what?"

"You didn't go to bed?"

"Oh I went to bed. I just didn't get any sleep."

Dan frowned. "Why not?"

She grinned. "Because I wasn't alone Dan."

"Oh."

"I mean it wasn't great, but it wasn't so bad that I actually nodded off."

"That was more information than I needed to know Natalie."

"And yet I still had to tell it. Don't you want the details?"

"No thanks."

"Are you sure? They're real juicy."

"No" he began to walk away.

"I'll tell you anyway."

"No you won't" he said placing his hands over his ears and running for his office.

"You're going out again?" Dana was incredulous.

"That's the third night this week. And it's only Thursday."

"Can I help it if my life is just a social whirl?"

"I'll say. You're going to have to hire a PA to look after your diary."

Natalie just grinned. "So are you seeing Michael?" asked Dana.

"Nah, he's Tuesday's news."

"Meaning?"

"Meaning we broke up on Tuesday."

"Why did you break up?"

"It could have been because he saw me arranging a date with another guy."

"Jesus Natalie."

"What?"

"Can't you keep a guy for more than a week?"

"It's not a question of keeping them. It's all just.....casual."

"But you only had two dates with Michael."

"One and a half."

"A half?"

"We didn't have sex the second time."

"You don't count dates if you don't have sex?"

"Not these ones. Like I said, it's casual. If you don't have sex....what's the point?"

BREAK-UP SIX WEEKS  
  
"Natalie there you are" said Kim.

"Here I am."

"I've been looking for you everywhere."

"Except here."

"Indeed. Now tell me."

"Tell you what?"

"Where you disappeared to last night? You were there, then I turned around and you were gone."

"Well, you remember those guys I was talking to?"

"Yeah."

"That's your answer."

"It's half an answer. Which one was it?"

"I couldn't choose between them."

"So?" Natalie smiled.

"So I didn't."

Kim shook her head. "You are unbelievable Natalie."

"So were they. If you've never tried it, I highly recommend it."

"Just go and fetch lunch Natalie" said Kim. "And try not to have sex on the way."

"Here it is" declared Natalie when she returned a while later..

"You took your time" said Kim.

"Where did you go, China?"

"I had other stuff to do than fetch your lunch. I needed some things from the drug store."

"But my lunch should have priority, especially when I'm starving."

"Then you should have got it yourself."

"Just give me the food Natalie." Natalie began opening the boxes of takeout Chinese food and Kim nosed into the other bag she had with her.

"Anything exciting?" she asked.

"No, just boring drug store type stuff.....damn!" "What?"

"I forgot condoms."

Kim shook her head. "With Chinese food? They wouldn't go together."

Natalie smiled. "I'm out. I guess I'll have to get some on the way home."

"You buy condoms?"

"Sure, don't you?"

"No. That's the guys job."

Natalie shook her head. "You can't trust the guy to provide them. You just get all hot and steamy when they say they don't have anything. Then they say, she put on a deep voice, 'Don't worry baby, I'll be really careful'."

Kim laughed. "I've been there."

"Haven't we all. And there's no way I'm riding bareback. So it's either make sure I have my own, or send them packing."

As the two women sat at Kim's desk eating, Kevin, one of the camera crew wandered past with another man, clearly showing him around.

"New guy alert" said Natalie noticing the new face. "And he's a hot one."

"Natalie please" said Kim.

"Please what?"

"Can't you even let him sit down before you try and get his pants off?"

Natalie grinned. "It's harder when they're sitting down." She wandered off in the direction of the new guy leaving Kim shaking her head at her back.

He looked up as she approached and sat on the edge of a table, crossing her legs. "Hi" she said extending her hand. "I'm Natalie Hurley, senior associate producer."

"Hi" said the man taking her hand. "Greg Simmonds, new boy."

"You have soft hands" said Natalie still holding onto him. "I can tell you've never had to do manual work."

"Well, no. I'm, er, just out of college. This is my first real job I guess."

She finally let go of his hand only to feel his arm. "Oooh, muscles. Do you work out?" "Er, yeah. Well, a little. Plus I play basketball, football, you know."

"Well I'm glad you're joining us. If you need anything, or want anything, just call."

"Oh, I'll be sure to Ms Hurley."

"Natalie."

"Natalie. Thanks."

She slid off the table and he watched her go. "Was she just coming on to me?" he asked Kevin.

"Oh yeah."

"It wasn't just like some kind of 'new guy' joke?"

"Oh no. She's one of the perks of the job. Wanna hear a joke?"

"Sure."

"What do you call a guy who hasn't seen Natalie naked?"

"What?" "Stevie Wonder."

Greg laughed. "I think I'm gonna like working here."

After the show Natalie glanced up and noticed Greg preparing to leave. She quickly finished what she was doing and caught him by the elevator. "Hi" she said.

"Hi."

"They made you work late on your first day huh?"

"Yeah. Slave drivers."

She smiled. "Are you heading home?"

"Unless something else comes up."

"Do you have anyone waiting?"

He shook his head. "Nobody in particular."

"Oh." There was a moments silence.

"Natalie?"

"Yes Greg?"

"You remember you said to call if I wanted you for anything?"

"I remember."

He smiled. "Well I thought of something."

BREAK-UP SEVEN WEEKS  
  
"I have to tell you about the guy I was with last night Dana."

"Do you really have to?"

Natalie ignored the sarcasm. "He was hot. God was he hot."

"That good huh?"

"You bet. He's a stripper."

"Like the Chippendales?"

Natalie nodded. "Except he goes all the way."

"Where did you meet him?"

"At one of his shows."

Dana shrugged. "At least you got to check out the merchandise first."

"And how. Christ Dana you should see the body on this guy."

"Maybe I'll catch his next show. Unless I'm actually going to get to meet this one?"

"I doubt it."

"So I take it you're not going steady?"

"Hardly. He's a stripper. He has a different girl every night."

"And that doesn't bother you."

"Hell no. He had fun, I certainly had fun. Perfect situation. I might see him again but it won't be planned or anything."

"How romantic."

"I tried romance Dana. It's overrated."

"Well I may not have told you this before Natalie, but in my youth I tried out your perfect situation for a spell. Believe me, after a while it doesn't seem so perfect."

Kim struggled through the crowd at the club to rejoin her friend. She didn't like what she had just seen. "Natalie."

"Hey Kim, where you bin?" she giggled.

"What did that guy just give you?"

"Something to make the party go with a swing."

"What was it Natalie?"

"Just an E."

Kim held out her hand. "Give it to me."

"Get your own."

"I don't want to take it, I want to stop you from taking it. Now give it to me."

Natalie grinned. "I can't."

"You haven't taken it already?"

"I'm afraid so."

"Jesus Natalie, after the amount you've drunk it could be really dangerous."

"Oops!"

"Let's go home."

Natalie shook her head. "I haven't even started having fun."

"Here's your drink."

Kim turned to see the man who had given Natalie the drug handing her a drink to go with it. "What's that?"

"Vodka" said the man.

"She's not drinking that. Get her some water." "

She asked for vodka."

"After what she just took? If she gets dehydrated...."

"Ok, chill. I'll get the girl some water."

"Don't bother, I'm taking her home."

"No you're not" said Natalie.

"Looks like she's staying" said the man.

"Besides, she hasn't paid me yet."

"I'll pay you" said Kim "How much?"

The man grinned. "Payment wasn't in dollars baby. That's not to say I would object to the two of you sharing the cost."

Kim turned to her friend. "Natalie, please."

"I'm staying" she said draping herself around the man.

"Well I'm leaving." She turned to the man. "But I know your face. If anything happens to her....."

"Nothings gonna happen to her" soothed the man.

"See she drinks plenty of water."

"I will."

Kim gave one last look at Natalie before she left. "I can't handle this any more" she muttered.

BREAK-UP EIGHT WEEKS  
  
Natalie slammed the phone down. "Damn."

"Problem?" asked Dan who was passing.

"Yeah. My date just cancelled."

"Oh, too bad. Don't you have a spare?"

"Not at this short notice."

"Did you have anything special planned?"

"Not really. But I really wanted to have some fun tonight."

Dan took a deep breath. "Well I'm not doing anything tonight so, if you like, we could do something together."

She looked at him. "Really?"

"Sure. That's if you think you could have fun in my company." Natalie beamed at him. "That would be great Dan. Really great."

Dan hugged Natalie to him, revelling in the feeling of her naked body next to his. He nuzzled through her hair and kissed her cheek. "That was wonderful."

Natalie smiled. "We aim to please."

"I'm serious. It was....awesome."

"I've never been called awesome before."

"No other word for it."

"Well I could tell you enjoyed it from the way you howled like a wolf at the crucial moment."

Dan grinned. "Shows how good it was. I don't often do that."

"Must be all the practice I've been getting."

"Natalie, don't."

"Oops, sorry Dan. I must remember not to talk about my past conquests in front of my latest one. Guy's egos are so fragile."

"Nothing to do with egos. It's just bad manners."

"I stand corrected."

"Good." He looked at her with a glint in his eye. "So, what next?"

"Next?"

"Yeah. You want to get some sleep. Or do you want to try for stupendous?"

"Actually" she said looking at her bedside clock, "I think stupendous will have to wait. It's getting late, time you were leaving."

"Leaving?"

"Afraid so. You can call a cab, there's a number by the phone."

"That's not funny Natalie."

"I wasn't trying to be." She looked at him with a slight grimace on her face. "Did you expect to stay?"

"Of course I did."

"Sorry Dan. I never have my dates stay over. It makes it seem too.....serious."

"What do you mean too serious."

"Well, like it's a relationship or something."

He frowned. "What are you saying?"

She stared at him for a moment. "Oh God. You don't think......" She shook her head. "Sorry Dan, but this wasn't the start of anything."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean it was just a casual thing. I'm not in the market for a relationship right now. I thought you knew that."

"I knew you were.....dating.....a lot of guys, but I thought, you and me....."

"Sorry Dan. I thought you understood. I was just looking for fun."

"And I just happened to be handy?"

"Don't say it like that Dan. I'm glad it was you. But if it hadn't been, then yeah, I'd probably have found someone else."

"So I don't mean anything to you?"

"Of course you do. You're my friend."

Dan gave a bitter laugh. "Friends don't do this to each other Natalie."

"Don't be upset Dan. I didn't mean to hurt you. I just.....wanted the sex. And I thought you did too."

"Why would you think that?"

"You're a guy."

"Jesus Natalie. Is that how you think of me? Just another guy? Do you really think that I have so little respect for you that I'd be prepared to just screw you and then act like it meant nothing?"

She ignored the question. "Well if you didn't want sex what did you want Dan?"

"I wanted sex, of course I did. But I wanted it to be the start of something. Not the end."

"Oh" said Natalie, "I didn't realise."

His tone softened. "Well now you do." He paused. "So how about it Natalie?"

"Sorry Dan. Like I said, I'm not in the market for a relationship."

"So that's it?"

She shrugged. "We can do it again sometime."

"But only when you're not busy doing somebody else?" She nodded. "Thanks. But I'll pass." He got out of the bed and hurriedly began to dress.

"Dan, wait. You can stay."

"I wouldn't want to put you out."

"Just stay the night Dan. I don't mind."

"I prefer my own bed Natalie. Yours suddenly seems a little cold."

He finished dressing and left the bedroom heading for the door. Natalie followed him. "Dan stop."

He turned as he reached the door. "Well I suppose I should say thanks for a great time. I would say we'll do it again but I guess we won't." He opened the door.

"Dan come back, let's talk about this." But he left, slamming the door behind him. "Dan!" Natalie hit the closed door with her hand. "Shit!" She declared. She turned to lean against the door and slowly sank to the floor. Purposely, she banged her head against the solid oak. "Shit, shit, shit!"

BREAK-UP NINE WEEKS  
  
"Hey Kim."

"Oh, hi Natalie."

"What's the plan for tonight?"

"Plan?"

"Which club do you want to go to?"

"Not tonight Natalie, sorry."

"But it's Friday. Friday is our night out."

"I know, but I'm not in the mood today."

"Not in the mood? Since when aren't you in the mood for a club?"

"Since today."

"C'mon Kim. I need you."

"Need me? Why?"

"You're my compadre. I can't go cruising for talent on my own. I'll look like a hooker."

Kim sighed. "Well I'm afraid you're going to have to find another compadre."

"Uh-uh" said Natalie. "I will not take no for an answer. You'll see, later tonight you'll start getting itchy feet."

"No I won't Natalie."

"Oh yes you will."

Kim rounded on her angrily. "Christ Natalie do you have trouble hearing? I'm not going ok? Not tonight, not any night. I'm sick of it."

Natalie was taken aback by the sudden assault. "What do you mean?"

"You want the truth Natalie?"

"I think you'd better."

"Well surprising as it may sound Natalie, when I go out, I go out to have fun with my friends. But whenever I'm with you I end up sitting in a corner on my own while you walk out with the first half-way cute guy who comes on to you."

Natalie gave half a grin. "I'm sorry Kim. But, you know how it is."

"No Natalie I don't. Contrary to what you seem to believe, I don't screw around."

"Oh come on Kim, you have lots of boyfriends."

Kim shook her head. "No I don't. Sure, I've dated a lot of guys. Maybe more than average. But I don't just jump into bed with every guy who buys me a drink. When I'm in a relationship I'm committed to it. I've dated a lot of jerks, and made a lot of bad choices where men are concerned. But I'm not looking for casual sex. I want the whole deal. The romance, the flowers, the till death us do part. And one day I'll get lucky and find the right guy. So stop acting like I'm your soul-mate Natalie because I'm nothing like you."

"Kim!"

"I'm sorry Natalie but it had to be said. Unless you promise to lay off the guys, I'm not going to go out with you any more."

"I can't make that promise. And I don't see why I should."

"Then I guess we don't go out any more. Reputations can rub off Natalie. And yours is starting to rub off on me."

"Reputation? What reputation?"

"As an easy lay."

Natalie glared at her. "That's not true."

"Isn't it? Do yourself a favour Natalie and take my advice. Just cool it with the one-night stands."

"I don't need advice from you about how to live my life."

"You need advice from someone. Who better than a friend?"

"Friend? Some friend. Calling me an easy lay." "

That's not what I meant...."

"Yes it is. Well you're just jealous Kim. You're jealous because the guys come over to talk to me, not you. That's why you don't want to go out with me any more. You can't stand the competition."

Kim looked at her sadly. "I'm sorry you feel that way Natalie."

"And I'm sorry that you turned into such a jealous bitch." Kim just turned and walked away. Natalie glared at her retreating back. "Bitch" she muttered.  
  
BREAK-UP TEN WEEKS  
  
"Hey Natalie." Casey wandered into Dana's office.

"Hi Casey."

"Enjoying Dana's chair?"

"Very comfortable."

"Does she know you appropriate her office when she's away?"

Natalie shook her head. "No. But seeing as I do her job when she's not here, I figure I have a right to the perks."

"Like the comfy chair."

"Precisely." Silence descended after this exchange. "So, did you want something?" asked Natalie.

"Oh, you know, I just came in to talk."

"My third favourite pastime behind sex and shopping" said Natalie with a smile.

"So, what's the gossip?"

Casey looked uncomfortable. "Actually, that's what I wanted to talk to you about."

"You suddenly sound awfully serious."

"I am."

"Well go ahead, tell me the worst. I can take it Doctor."

"Well Natalie....you see....the thing is....., the thing is the gossip is you."

"Me?"

"Yes you. And as your friend I thought I should let you know that, a lot of it isn't....nice."

"Not nice? Ooooh save me!"

"I'm serious Natalie. Have you heard the way the guys around here talk about you now?"

"I've heard some complimentary remarks about my butt."

Casey shook his head. "How about when you're not around? Have you heard that?"

"No, but I'm sure you're gonna tell me."

"They make jokes Natalie. Jokes about what an easy lay you are."

"I'm grief-stricken. Casey, they can sneer and make jokes all they like, but it's only because they want it too."

"Sure they do. So much so that they're taking bets who's going to be the next guy here to nail you."

"Really? Who's the money on?"

"The new guy."

"Greg?" She smiled.

"Haven't you heard? He nailed me on his first day." Casey stared at her. "What's the matter Casey? Shocked? Or just jealous?"

Casey ignored her jibe. "You actually sound like you're proud of it."

"Why not? He's a hot guy."

"So?"

"So he wanted me."

"And that's an achievement is it? That's success for you now? Well I've got news for you Natalie. Getting a guy to screw you is not very difficult. As attractive as you are, it's the easiest thing in the world. Especially when you serve it up on platter. We're all bastards remember? If you offer it, we'll take it just about every time."

"Fine by me. We both get what we want. It's the same for both sides."

Casey laughed. "Don't fool yourself. It's not the same at all."

"Of course it is."

"No it isn't Natalie. These guys have absolutely no respect for you at all."

"That's bullshit."

"Would they date you?"

"What?"

"These guys, would they date you."

"I just told you."

"You told me they screwed you. I'm asking would they date you. Would they buy you flowers, listen to your problems, remember your birthday and, in the fullness of time ask you to marry them?"

"I don't know."

"I do. The answer is no Natalie. The fact of the matter is you look at them as guys. Guys you might date. And even if you wouldn't, you don't look down on them. You don't laugh at them. You don't rate them as lower than whores for giving it away. But that's not how it is for them. They wouldn't date you. They wouldn't date you because you don't date the girl who screws around. You get your share along with all the rest of the guys, but you don't date her. It may not be fair and it may not be right, but that's how it is. Think back to your hometown Natalie. Who was the girl then? There must have been one."

"I'm not like that Casey." Her voice was quivering.

"You're well on your way Natalie."

She glared at him. "Will you do me a favour Casey?"

"What?"

"Go to hell."  
  
BREAK-UP ELEVEN WEEKS  
  
"Natalie can I have a word?"

Natalie looked up to see Dana standing there.

"You can have two, seeing as it's the feast of St. Bede."

"The what?"

"The feast of St. Bede."

"Who's St. Bede?"

"Patron saint of scholars, or something like that."

"You're not about to demand a religious holiday are you?"

"No."

"So why mention it?"

"Just to make you ask how I know."

"How do you know?"

"It's on my calendar."

"Good. Now can I have my word?"

"Wasn't one of those it?"

"I'm afraid not. This word requires the privacy of my office."

"Oh, am I in trouble?"

"No."

"Then I'm right behind you."

Natalie followed Dana into her office and they both sat down. Dana took a deep breath. "Ok Natalie, I don't want you to take what I'm about to say the wrong way."

"Which means I probably will."

"You might."

"Just as long as I'm fore-warned. What is it?"

"It's about your skirt."

"You can't borrow it."

"I don't want to borrow it, I like my skirts to cover my crotch. Which is my point."

"You think it's too short?"

"I do" said Dana. "And tight."

"It is tight" agreed Natalie. "But as I'm the one who has to wear it....."

"And I'm not sure that it's suitable for work."

"Why not? Ally McBeal does it."

"You're not Ally McBeal."

"I know. I have a better figure for one thing."

"That's not the point. The point is that I do not consider the type of outfits you've been wearing recently to be appropriate for the station."

"The guys like them."

"You don't work for the guys, you work for me."

"Dana, are you ordering me to change the way I dress?"

"I'm hoping I don't have to."

"And if I refuse?"

"Then I'm afraid I'll have to."

"You think me wearing trousers will make me more efficient?"

"I think you might be more efficient if your number one priority was your job."

"That is my number one priority."

Dana shook her head. " No it isn't Natalie. Just recently your number one priority is to see just how much attention you can get from the guys around here." She took a deep breath. "I'm saying this as much for your sake as anything else Natalie."

"For my sake?"

"Yes for your sake. You're starting to get a reputation Natalie. What am I saying, you've already got it. It's there."

"I assume you mean my reputation as a remarkably efficient and hard-working senior associate producer?"

"No I don't."

"My reputation as a generally nice person to be around?"

"Not that one either."

"Well I guess it must be my reputation as the office bike."

"Natalie!"

"That's what you meant isn't it? I have a few dates and suddenly I'm a tramp."

"It's been more than a few."

"Ok, it's been more than a few. So shoot me Dana."

"Natalie, I know it's your life..."

"Too right."

".....and I can't tell you how to live it. But, what do you get out of it?"

"Sex."

"And that's enough for you?"

Natalie shrugged. "I like sex."

"So do I Natalie but I like to think there is more to me than just that."

"There's more to me than that too."

"Is there? Recently it seems to be all you talk about and think about. Is this really what you want? A seemingly endless series of purely sexual encounters."

"Right now? Sure."

Dana shook her head. "If sex is all you want, why bother going out at all?"

"That way if the sex is lousy at least I had a night out."

Dana stared at her. "This isn't you Natalie."

"Maybe I want it to be me. Maybe I'm sick and tired of being nice sweet Natalie."

"There was nothing wrong with who you were."

"Wasn't there? Then why was I never the one who got the attention? All my life I've sat and watched while guys stare at girls. Other girls, never me. They never notice me."

"Of course men notice you Natalie. I see it if you don't."

"Oh they say I'm sweet and I'm cute. But I don't have the blonde hair, the long legs or the huge chest that makes their jaws drop."

"And that's what you want?"

"It would make a change."

"Then you're even more stupid than I thought. Because I know plenty of women with blonde hair, long legs or a huge chest who hate the fact that guys stare at them like they're a piece of meat. They would kill to get the kind of attention you get. To attract the kind of guys you attract. To be treated with a little respect. And to be regarded as being something more than a good fuck." She looked sadly at her friend. "Just think about it Natalie. Please."  
  
Ten minutes later Natalie was standing outside Isaac's office. She knocked on the door. "Come on in." Natalie entered.

"Ms Hurley, how delightful."

"Hi Isaac. Busy?"

"I always have time for my favourite girl. Sit down."

Natalie did so.

"And what can I do for you?"

"I just had words with Dana."

"And you're still in one piece? She must be mellowing."

"Not really, she told be to stop dressing like a tramp and to stop sleeping around."

"Ah."

"Indeed."

"I'm sure she didn't express it the way you just did."

"No, she was tactful. But her meaning was clear."

"Her meaning usually is."

"I know." She paused. "Did she speak to you about it?"

"We discussed it."

"And?"

"And we agreed that someone should say something and that that someone should be Dana."

"So you think the way I dress is inappropriate for the office?"

"I think it could be toned down a little." He smiled a little. "Of course I'm old and have old fashioned opinions."

"And you think I should stop sleeping around?"

"Natalie, what you do and how you behave at the station is my business and I therefore feel free, in fact obliged, to comment. What you do and how you behave outside of work is not my business, and I will therefore keep my opinion to myself."

"What if I asked for it?"

"Then I would give it."

"Ok, I'm asking."

Isaac took a deep breath. "I think you are an extremely attractive, intelligent young woman with a great deal going for you. It upsets me to see you waste all that."

Natalie looked at him for a moment before responding. "What if I don't think I'm wasting it?"

Isaac shrugged. "You asked for my opinion."  
  
BREAK-UP TWELVE WEEKS  
  
"Twelve minutes" said Natalie.

"That's about how long it takes for her to find a date" muttered Will to Chris.

"Did you say something Will?" asked Natalie.

"Just clearing my throat."

"Hey Natalie" said Jeremy. "I saw you last night."

"Where?"

"At Finnigan's."

"You were there? I didn't see you. Why didn't you say hi?"

"I didn't want to interrupt the hunt."

"What?"

"The hunt. For your next victim. "

"Very funny Jeremy."

"And I have to say I admired the way you stalked that young buck and brought him down."

"Jealous?"

"No. Just wondering what a kid of that age was doing in a bar."

"He was nineteen."

"He was seventeen if you're lucky."

"Quit fighting you two" said Dana who had just entered the control room.

"He was nineteen. And believe me, when we got back to his place he gave me no reason to doubt it."

"His place? We're his parents out?"

"No parents Jeremy, he had his own place."

"And he took you back there?"

"Yes."

"Did he want you to help him with his homework assignment?"

"He was no school kid. He taught me a thing or two."

"That's surprising. I doubt there's much left for you to learn."

"I ask again. Jealous?"

"No Natalie. Just glad I got there before the rush."

"Fuck off Jeremy."

"Natalie, that's enough!" said Dana.

"Of course. That's me assuming that all this wasn't going on while we were still together. And the circumstantial evidence kinda suggests otherwise."

"I was completely faithful to you Jeremy and don't you dare try and imply otherwise."

"Hey, I believe you. But can I have that in writing?"

"Will you two stop it."

Jeremy held up a phone book. "I got you a present Natalie. I figured you might find it easier if you went through all the men in alphabetical order."

"Jeremy get out!" said Dana.

"What?"

"Get out."

"What about the show?"

"I don't need you. Get out."

Jeremy stood up to leave. "Hey Jeremy" said Natalie as he opened the door. "Did you know I lied to you the whole time we were going out. Actually size does matter. It matters a lot."

"Natalie get out."

"What?"

"Get out and go somewhere where Jeremy isn't."

"What about...?"

"We don't need you."

Natalie looked at her in silence for a moment, then left.

"Ok" said Dana. "Elliot? Kim? Now would be a good time to impress me."  
  
BREAK-UP THIRTEEN WEEKS  
  
"Hey Dana."

"Hi Natalie."

"I just have to tell you about last night. You just won't believe it."

Dana sighed. "Natalie, are you going to tell me you had sex?"

"I thought I might."

"Well it's not news."

Natalie frowned. "Who told you?"

"Nobody told me. You always have sex. If ever you don't have sex it will make the morning papers."

"Don't exaggerate. I have sex two or three times a week at the very most."  
  
"Why do you tell me this Natalie? What makes you think I'm even remotely interested?"

Natalie was startled. "I'm sorry. You used to be interested. You used to pester me until I told you everything."

Dana sighed. "Yes, well. That was before it became quite such a common occurrence. You tend to lose interest when things happen every day. So from now on Natalie, just spare me the details of your sexual conquests. I don't want to know."

She turned and walked away. Natalie watched her go. "It's not every day" she murmured quietly.  
  
BREAK-UP FOURTEEN WEEKS  
  
"Hi Dan."

He glanced up. "Natalie." He returned his concentration to his computer.

"Can I talk to you?"

"I'm really busy Natalie."

"It's important."

"So is my work."

Casey watched the interplay. "Is it me or is it a little frosty in here?"

"Could you give us a few minutes Casey?" asked Natalie.

"Sure, I..."

"Casey's busy too."

"I think it would probably be safer if I got busy elsewhere" said Casey leaving the room.

When he had gone Natalie closed the door behind him. After a few moments, during which Dan didn't look up, she spoke. "I think we should talk."

"About what?"

"About why you haven't said more than two words to me for weeks."

"I thought that was what you wanted. Love 'em and leave 'em. Isn't that the way you do things now?"

"You're my friend Dan. It's different with you."

"You should have considered that before you added me to the honour roll by your bed-post."

"There's no need to be like that Dan."

"Isn't there?"

"No. So we had sex. Big deal. But we're grown ups Dan; we should be able to handle that. Move past it."

Dan shook his head. "You don't get it do you? You really don't get it."

"Enlighten me."

"Ok, I'll enlighten you. I wasn't just hoping for a second date Natalie. Believe it or not I actually thought we might have something really special going. I'd been looking for an opportunity to go out with you ever since you broke up with Jeremy; and when that guy cancelled and gave me my shot...." He gave a short laugh. "....I was as excited as a teenager on his first date."

"Really?"

"Really. Pathetic huh?"

"Why didn't you say anything?"

"I didn't get a chance. I waited a couple of weeks just to leave a respectable interval, but by then, pow, you were dating guys like you were on a commission."

"Those guys didn't mean anything. It was just sex."

"I know. Just like me. The difference being that I was in love with you and they weren't."

"Love?"

"Yes Natalie, I was in love with you. Remember love? It's like a mixer, you can add it to sex sometimes to make it sweeter."

"Dan.....I had no idea you felt like that."

"Well I did. I was so proud to be out with you that night Natalie. Damned proud. Having you on my arm made me feel like I was king of New York." He looked at her. "So how is it that now I feel like I was just your latest trick?"

"I didn't mean to make you feel that way Dan. It was just...."

"Just sex. Yes, you said. But since when did you go in for just sex Natalie?"

"Since....I don't know."

"Do you even know why you do it?"

As always when questioned on her motives, Natalie retaliated. "Why shouldn't I do it? I refuse to feel guilty or dirty for enjoying sex."

"It's not about whether or not you enjoy sex. Of course you can enjoy sex."

"Can I really? It's a dilemma for you isn't it Dan? On the one hand you want to be the total new man and say how it's perfectly ok for women to go out after sex just like guys have always done. But on the other hand you look at me doing just that and think I'm a slut."

Dan was silent.

"This is where you contradict me and say you don't think I'm a slut."

Dan still didn't speak. She took a deep breath. "I see. Well, thanks Dan. Thanks a lot." She turned to go.

"Wait Natalie."

She turned to face him again. "Is there any more to say?"

"Yes there is. I would never call you a slut, or even think it. But you're right, I don't like the thought of you being with all those men. I guess I'm jealous."

"Sure it's not just good old male double standards Dan?"

"No Natalie, not double standards. Men aren't all alike whatever it says in Cosmo. We don't all slap each other on the back every time we get laid. I treat women with respect. I don't screw around, and I have no time for men who do."

"I had no idea you were so wonderful Dan" said Natalie, her voice heavy with sarcasm.

"Ok, forget me. Look around you. Isaac, happily married for almost as long as you've lived. Casey, who won't go out on dates even when Dana tells him to. Not to mention Jeremy. Whatever the reason for you two breaking up, it wasn't because he was screwing around."

"What's your point Dan? I know that not all guys are bastards. But that doesn't mean that what I'm doing is wrong."

"No it doesn't" admitted Dan. "And I can't stop you doing what you want to do. But I don't have to pretend to like it."

"What are you saying?"

"I'm saying that from now on we're colleagues, nothing more."

"You don't want to be my friend?"

"I want to be, but I can't."

Panicked by his words, Natalie tried to make amends. "Ok, I was wrong. I was wrong to treat you like just another one-night stand. But I want to make it right. Can't we be friends again?"

"It's too late for that Natalie."

"Why?"

"Because too much has happened. You've changed. You treated me in a way I never thought you would. And now I've revealed my feelings only to find you don't share them."

"I don't want to lose you Dan."

"You've already lost me Natalie."

"But you said you loved me."

"Loved, past tense. The woman I fell in love with, the old Natalie, isn't around any more."

"I'm still here."

He shook his head. "I can't love someone I don't respect Natalie. And I can't respect someone who doesn't respect themselves."

Later that day Dan encountered Chris by the coffee machine.

"Hey, Dan."

"What?"

"Have you heard the latest?"

"The latest what?"

"The latest joke."

"Is it something to do with elephants?"

"No."

"Then I haven't heard it."

"Ok. What's the rarest species of animal in New York?"

"I have no idea."

"A guy who hasn't slept with Natalie."

Dan stared at him for a moment. "Is that supposed to be funny."

"Well, yeah."

"Well it isn't. And I don't want to hear you say anything like that again."

"What's the problem Dan? Are you one of the few who hasn't had a taste of her yet?"

Dan seized Chris by the lapels and shoved him hard against the wall. "Want to say that again?"

"Hey Dan, cool it. I didn't mean anything by it."

"Didn't sound that way to me."

"Look, I'm sorry. I know you're not interested in Natalie."

"I don't give a shit what you say about me Chris. It's what you said about her that pisses me off. She's supposed you be your friend."

"Oh, well, that's just talk. You know. You gotta admit she's been putting at about a little la...arrgh!" Chris fell to the floor as Dan hit him hard in the face. He struggled to his knees as Dan moved in to strike him again. Dan raised his fist only to feel someone grab it from behind.

"Dan, stop!"

"Let go of me Casey."

"No. What the hell is going on here?"

Dan shook Casey off but ignored his question. Instead he pointed a finger at Chris. "Just watch your mouth in future."  
  
BREAK-UP FIFTEEN WEEKS  
  
Natalie entered the bar, ordered a drink, took a seat, and waited. Some guy would come along soon enough. Or rather several guys; she rarely took the first offer. Then, after a decent interval, they would go back to her place (It was usually her place, she felt more in control there.) She couldn't quite recall at what point she had given up the pretence. At what point she had stopped arranging "dates". She was no longer so coy. Now she barely gave them time to buy her a drink.  
  
Natalie had never been to this bar before. She had decided to change after she became too well known at her usual haunts. Every drunken slob in the place thought they had a chance. Plus guys she had slept with before would assume she would do so again. This was something she rarely did.  
  
As her eyes wandered around the bar, they fell on a familiar figure. It was Greg. He was sitting in a booth with a group of other men from the station. She smiled. Greg would do if nothing else came up. He knew the score. She stood up and began to wander over, but stopped a few feet away when she heard her name mentioned.

"You're kidding."

"No" said Greg.

"My first day. She comes over, hitches up her skirt and basically says 'come and get it'."

"And you got it!" laughed another of the men.

"The same night. And several times since."

"I thought you had a girlfriend?" asked the third man.

"I do" said Greg. "But when it's shoved in your face you can't just say no. And believe me it IS shoved in my face. She does all the running. One time she even pulled me into a storeroom to do it."

This prompted laughter from the men. Natalie slipped into the adjacent booth to listen further. From here she could plainly hear the conversation, although she wasn't always sure who was doing the talking.

"So you're not going to date her full-time?"

"Hell no. Natalie's a good fuck. But I would never date a girl like her."

"Hey guys, what's the only thing that travels faster than light?"

"Don't know."

"Natalie's knickers on the way down."

This was greeted with laughter.

"I never thought she was like that" said another voice. "She dated Jeremy for a long time."

"Yeah, poor sap. I wonder if he knew she was sleeping with half the city."

"That's probably why they broke up. He found out."

"It's weird. I used to see her around and think she was all sweetness and light."

"I know" said a man Natalie only vaguely recollected. "But she just stopped hiding it. Underneath she was still the same. I had her in her first week." He took a swill of his beer. "She came back for more but I wasn't interested."

"Well I know for a fact she got the Senior AP job because she screwed the guy who had it before her. Made sure he put in a good word."

"Story is she isn't even qualified. She slept with a guy in personnel just to get a job at CSC in the first place."

"Can you imagine what she must have been like at college?"

"You don't have to imagine. Word is that half the guys there had a piece of her, including the faculty."

"Well I heard she took on the whole football team as a reward for winning the state championship."

"Now that's what I call an incentive."

"Hi guys." The men turned to see who had spoken.

"Natalie..." began Greg but she cut him off.

"I'd love to join you but I can't. I just wanted to say 'hi' and to say a few things." She counted off on her fingers. "First of all, I got my job for no other reason than because I'm good at it. Damn good. Which is why I earn twice what you morons do." "Secondly," she pointed to the man who claimed he had had sex with her, "the only time we ever had sex was in your sick little mind." She stood back. "And finally, I am proud to announce that my college football team never won the state championship." She looked at them for a moment as if challenging them to refute her words. Nobody did. Nobody said anything. She turned and strode out of the bar and went home. She was no longer in the mood for fun tonight.

Natalie looked at her face in the bathroom mirror, contemplating what she saw there. "Looks like everyone was right" she said to her reflection. "You do have a reputation." She left the bathroom and got into bed. All attempts at sleep were useless; her mind was awash with fevered thought.  
  
"But I didn't do anything wrong" she declared aloud, feeling the need to voice the sentiment, to reinforce her conviction that it was so. Because she hadn't done anything wrong. Had she? All she had done was have some fun. Nobody had got hurt.  
  
At that thought an image of Dan flashed in her minds eye. That had been a mistake, she admitted. One that she would have to try and repair. But the others, hadn't they got the same out of it as she had? Hadn't they been equals? Or did they all think of her as Greg did, as Casey had warned her they would, as nothing but a good fuck?  
  
She had felt in control all this time. But the knowledge that the men she had been with might have valued her less than she valued them made her feel something that she had been sure she wasn't. It made her feel used.  
  
She knew she needed to make a decision. A big one. And she found it surprisingly easy to make. It had to end. Simple as that. It was decided. A wave of relief washed over her as she made her decision and she was struck by a sudden realisation. She was glad. She was glad it was over.

The next morning Natalie was working in the editing suite when she heard someone enter behind her.

"Hey Natalie, like the outfit. Very sexy."

"Go away Greg."

"C'mon Nat. What's with the jeans and baggy top? There's gonna be a lot of disappointed guys in here today."

"Well they'd better get used to it. I'm not dressing for their pleasure, or yours."

"Doesn't bother me" said Greg. "I've seen what's underneath."

"Well make the most of those memories because you're not going to see it again."

"Not until the next time you drag me into the storeroom." He leaned in close to whisper. "How about it? I've got twenty minutes spare."

She shook her head. "Get lost Greg."

She tried to move away but her grabbed her. "C'mon Natalie. You know you want it. Your little speech last night didn't fool me."

"Get off me!"

"If you don't have time, how about giving me a little feel on account?"

His free hand began to grope its way around her body. "Get the hell off me Greg!"

"Don't play games with me Natalie, you know you love it."

"She said get your hands off."

Greg looked up. "Hey Dan."

"Let her go before I break your fucking arms."

"We're just having a little fun Dan" said Greg, releasing her nonetheless.

"Didn't look much like fun to me. Looked more like an assault."

"Assault? Come on Dan, you know what she's like."

"Yes I do. I know her a damn sight better than you. So why don't you just go away like a nice boy, and hope that she doesn't choose to have you charged."

"Charged?"

"Or fired. Because if the police, or Isaac, asks, I'll tell them what I saw."

Greg glared at Dan, and then at Natalie, but he left without another word. Natalie and Dan looked at each orther for a moment. "You ok?" he asked eventually.

She nodded. "I'm fine. Thanks for your help."

"No problem."

"Greg's just a jerk."

"I agree. But you didn't always think so."

She was surprised by the hard edge to his voice. "Ok, I guess I deserved that. I've made some bad decisions recently, and Greg was one of them."

"I agree again."

"Yeah, well. I just want you to know that I'm going to try and make better decisions from now on."

"Glad to hear it Natalie. You deserve a better life than the one you were allowing yourself to have."

"Thanks Dan." She paused, then decided to take a chance to fix her mistake. "Look, I was wondering if you and I could maybe do something tonight?"

He looked at her for a few moments. "I'm sorry Natalie. I have plans."

"Oh. It's just that I thought..."

"Well don't Natalie. You were in trouble and I helped out. You can always count on me to do that. But it doesn't mean that we can just slip back to being the way we were." He turned and strode away, leaving Natalie feeling very alone.

Dana looked up at the sound of a tentative knock on the door of her office. "Come in."

The door opened and Natalie's head appeared round the door. "Can I come in?"

"I just said 'come in'" replied Dana. "But since when did you ask? You usually waltz in without even knocking."

"Yeah, I know. But that was before."

"Before what?" "

Before we had words."

"Just come in and sit down Natalie." As Natalie entered Dana noted her clothing. "That's a new look for you isn't it?"

"I like to change my image now and then" said Natalie. "I'm very like Madonna in that respect."

"I always have trouble telling you two apart" said Dana smiling.

There was a pause before Natalie spoke. "Can I ask you a question Dana?"

"Ask away."

"Are we still friends?"

"Of course we are Natalie."

Natalie nodded. "Good. I just wasn't sure after....everything."

"A friend is all I was ever trying to be Natalie."

"I realise that now."

"I'm glad."

"I've thought about what you said. And what others have said."

"And?"

"And I've made a decision."

"Yes?"

"I'm calling it my big decision."

"You gave it a name?" Natalie shrugged. "It's important."

"Well don't keep me in suspenders, what was it?"

"I'm going to cut back on my guy intake."

"Oh. Dare I ask how far?"

"There's no fixed limit" said Natalie.

"Let's just say I'm going to be more choosy in future." "

Well I'm happy to hear that Natalie."

"But I think it may be a while before my reputation around here recovers."

Dana nodded. "That's true. Natalie if you only knew some of the things...."

"I've heard them Dana" said Natalie.

"And they're not true. It's as if my reputation has taken on a life of it's own. The reality of my actions no longer being enough to feed it, or to feed the desire for lurid details that people demand of it."

"I know most of it is pure fiction Natalie."

"I know you do Dana. But others won't. All of those falsehoods will become accepted as fact by those who wish to believe them."

"There's no way of stopping people thinking Natalie."

"I know. And as long as it's the truth I can handle it. I have nothing to be ashamed of. But I wonder how far the lies have spread already? Is there anyone left who doesn't regard me as little more than a whore?" She looked at her friend. "I think about all the people I work alongside every day Dana. I think about them and wonder what they think when they are with me; and what they are saying when I'm not around."

"People will come round" said Dana. "In time. At least the ones who count will."

"I guess" said Natalie. "But I'm not really worried about people right now. Just one person."

Dana frowned. "Who?"

"Dan. I'm worried I may have driven him away for good."

"It can't be that bad Natalie."

"It is."

Dana shook her head. "Dan cares about you too much to let your friendship dissolve just because he didn't approve of your sex life."

"It's not just that Dana."

"Well what is it?" Natalie looked down. "Dan was part of that sex life Dana." She raised her eyes to meet her friend's. "And I treated him like all the rest."

"Oh, Natalie" said Dana. "What have you done?"

Natalie gave her a pleading look. "Will he ever forgive me?"

Dana could only shrug. "I don't know Natalie. I just don't know."  
  
BREAK-UP SIXTEEN WEEKS  
  
Natalie took a deep breath before entering Dan's office. She was worried about the reception she would find when she went in. Worried because she had come to realise that she needed him, needed his friendship. Her relationship with Dana was getting back on track. Casey was still Casey and had never really stopped being so even after she told him to go to hell. It would take a great deal more time to heal the rift with Kim, but there were already signs of progress there. But Dan seemed to be getting even more distant. She hadn't even had a chance to tell him about her big decision. Their conversations limited strictly to work. He wouldn't even say 'Hi' unless she said it first. She knew that something had to be done before the chasm between them became unbridgeable. And she knew that she was the one who was going to have to make the move. She entered.

"Hey" she said.

He looked up. "Hey."

"How are things with Dan?"

"Ok I guess. How about you?"

"Not too good really."

A flicker of concern crossed his face. "Has Greg given you any more trouble?"

She shook her head. "No. I think you scared him off with your talk of charging and firing."

"I was serious Natalie. If you want to..."

"Thanks Dan. But I'd rather just forget all about Greg." She paused. "And the rest."

Dan raised his eyebrows. "The rest?"

"Yeah. That's my big decision. Lay off the guys. I thought you'd like to know."

"I think that's the right decision."

"So do I."

There was a pause. "So was that all you wanted to tell me?"

"Actually no. I was wondering what you were doing on your day off tomorrow."

Dan shrugged. "I hadn't really decided."

"Right. Well, there's a MASH marathon on TV tomorrow night. Twelve hours straight of classic episodes, bloopers, interviews and behind the scenes stuff."

"I know. I read the TV listings too."

"It's just that I know you really like MASH."

"I do. I'll probably catch most of it. Or tape it."

"And I like MASH too. Remember how we used to talk about it?"

"I remember."

"Right. Well I was thinking that, seeing as I also have tomorrow off, you might like to come over and watch with me."

Dan looked at her. "I'm not sure that's such a good idea."

"It's more fun with two."

He looked at her a moment before responding, his voice unexpectedly harsh. "What kind of fun? Your kind?"

"Please don't Dan. I didn't come in here to fight."

"Well what did you come in for? To talk about MASH?"

She looked down. "I was hoping to find an old friend here."

Seeing her distress, he relented a little. "I'm sorry Natalie. But you see why I don't think it would be a good idea for me to come over. I'm still a little raw."

She nodded slightly. "I understand. But are you going to stay mad at me forever Dan?"

He looked at her frankly. "I don't know Natalie."

"Honest answer" said Natalie. "But will you do me a favour?"

"What's that?"

"Make up your mind soon. Because I could use a friend right now."  
  
As Natalie left, close to tears, she brushed past Casey who had been standing, unnoticed, in the doorway. He watched her go then wandered in. "That was Natalie" he said.

Dan looked up. "What?"

"That was Natalie who was in here just now."

"I know."

"Oh" said Casey. "It's just that I assumed from the way you treated her that you thought she was Lizzie Borden."

"No I didn't."

"It was bad enough to make her cry."

Dan sighed. "Casey, I have issues with Natalie that you know nothing about."

"You mean you slept with her."

Dan stared at him. "Did she tell you that?"

"No" he grinned. "But you just did. When did you do the deed and why didn't you tell me?"

Dan shook his head. "Can't a guy have any secrets in this place?"

"No, sorry. Spill."

"It was a few weeks ago and I didn't tell you because it didn't mean anything."

"You had sex with Natalie and it didn't mean anything?"

"It meant something to me Casey. It just didn't mean anything to her."

"Ah, I see. You were another notch on the bedpost."

"Something like that."

"That explains why you've been avoiding her like the plague recently."

"That didn't strike you as odd?"

"It did. But I just figured it was because you didn't approve of the way she's been behaving lately."

"I didn't. But that wasn't the reason. The reason was that she made me feel like I had just been with a hooker instead of someone I care deeply about."

Casey nodded. "That's bad. But it sounded to me like she was trying to make up."

"I have nothing to say to her any more. Since that night I have ho respect or feelings for her."

"Bullshit."

"What?"

"That's bullshit Dan. If you had no feelings for her you wouldn't be wandering around with a face like a wet weekend in Milwaukee. And I wouldn't have had to stop you breaking Chris's neck for making a joke about her." Dan was silent. "Don't be an asshole Dan" said Casey. "Go to her. You know you want to."

Natalie was settling down in front of the TV when there was a knock at the door. Sighing she wandered over to open it.

"Hi Nat."

"Dan, hi. I thought you weren't coming."

He shrugged. "I changed my mind. That's if the offer is still open."

"Oh. You should've called. I have company you see. This guy called and....." She saw his face fall and broke into a grin. "Ha! Gotcha."

"That wasn't funny Natalie."

"I thought it was. Come on in Dan."

"Thank you" he said entering.

"But I still wish you'd called."

"Why?"

"So that I could have worn something slightly more attractive than tartan PJs."

"You look fine. You always look your best to me when you're not even trying."

She beamed at him but he looked away, embarrassed by his words. "I brought some stuff" he said handing her a bag.

She peered inside. "Are those triple chocolate chip fudge cookies?"

"They are."

"From Percy's Bakery?"

"Where else?"

She smiled at him. "Our TV food. You remembered."

"It hasn't been that long Nat."

"No." She paused. "It just feels like it." She took the bag from him and went into the kitchen for a plate. He wandered after her. "So what made you change your mind?" she enquired.

"Er, Casey I guess."

"Casey? How?"

"He called me an asshole."

She smiled. "Perceptive man, Casey." She looked up at him, tying to meet his eyes with hers, but they flitted around, refusing to make contact. "Well, come on, it's about to start." She wandered into the living room and curled up on the couch. Dan took off his jacket, kicked off his shoes and joined her, but on the opposite side.

"There's a viewers vote on which is the best ever episode" she said.

"I saw that."

"Remember how we used to argue about it?"

"I remember."

"Well, maybe we can see which of us was right."

"I'm right."

"No you're not."

"Enjoying it?" asked Natalie during one of the breaks.

"Mmmm" said Dan. "You were right."

"I was? That's a rarity recently. What was I right about?"

"About it being more fun together. I think I could be happy watching an 'I Love Lucy' marathon if I were with you like this."

"You mean that?"

"I mean it. And I have something I want to say Natalie." F

or some reason Natalie suddenly felt very nervous. "I'm listening Dan."

He took a deep breath. "You asked earlier if I was going to stay mad at you forever."

"I remember. I told you to make up your mind soon."

"Well I've made up my mind. I can't be mad at you forever Natalie. I can't be mad at you for a moment longer. I miss you too much."

"You have no idea how glad I am to hear you say that Dan."

She smiled at him. "So now can I do what I've been wanting to do for the past hour?"

"What's that?"

"Come over to your side of the couch and snuggle."

They were still snuggling a couple of hours later. Despite the attractions of Hawkeye, Hotlips & Co, they were having trouble staying awake.

"Are you asleep?" asked Dan.

"Yes."

"Ok, I won't wake you then."

"It's ok. What did you want to say?"

"I was going to ask a question."

"What is it?"

"Who was best, Trapper or BJ?"

"BJ."

"Hey, we agree."

"You knew that already. We had this discussion three years ago when we found out we both liked MASH."

"Why did you prefer BJ?"

"Because he was so....nice."

"Would you have slept with BJ?"

"He wouldn't have slept with me. All those nurses but he was always faithful to his wife. I would have had a totally platonic relationship with BJ."

"Ok."

"But I would have slept with Radar."

"Radar? You fancied Radar?"

"No, but I would have still have slept with him."

"Why?"

"Because he was sweet. And he would have been soooo grateful."

Dan laughed.

"What!?" "I always got the feeling that he never did it. I wanted to make him happy."

"That's a strange reason to sleep with someone Natalie. With that logic you would sleep with every guy in the city." He winced. "I'm sorry I didn't mean to say that."

"Don't worry about it Dan. At least it shows you were able to put it out of your mind for a moment."

"It was still stupid of me."

"Yeah, it was."

"Hey!"

"Well you will insist on your little guilt trips Dan. I hate to spoil them for you."

He smiled. "Thanks." He paused. "But.......", he was hesitant, ".......since the subject came up."

Natalie knew what was coming. "Dan. I'll answer your questions, but you might not like the answers. And I don't want to fight with you again. Not ever."

"We won't fight. I promise."

She sighed. "Ok then, ask."

"What made you start.......you know?"

"Sleeping around?"

"If you have to put it that way. It's not that I'm saying you did anything wrong" he added hurriedly. "It's just that it didn't seem like you."

"It wasn't like me" she agreed. "But I had the potential inside me, I guess everyone does." She paused. "The first guy after Jeremy was just a case of me feeling lonely, unwanted. The sex made me feel better. I wanted to feel that way again, to feel....desired. But I didn't want a relationship. So, I tried to have one without the other. And it was ok, it was, to use my own word, fun." She took a deep breath. "After a while it started to change. It became less about comfort, more about sex. I got hooked on the excitement. I started to crave the illicit intensity of abandoning myself to a complete stranger. It was fun, and it was exciting." She looked up at Dan. "So there you are. That's why."

Dan deliberately pulled her closer, as if to show that her revelations hadn't dented his re-discovered feelings for her. "I had no idea your reasons ran so deep."

"Neither did I at the time. It wasn't till later that I analyzed it all."

Dan nodded absently. "So what prompted your big decision?"

"I guess there were a few reasons" she said. "But I want to say that it wasn't because I felt that I was doing anything wrong."

"I understand that" said Dan. "And I know you're right, intellectually."

Natalie grinned, deciding to let his qualification pass. "Partly I guess it was because the excitement stopped. The drug stopped working and it was no fun anymore. It had become a chore. The sex was still ok, sometimes, but the hassle of looking for "dates", of having the perennial condom argument, and of getting rid of them afterwards, was something I could really do without." She took a deep breath. "And there was something else. Something deeper. I realised that I was no longer satisfied with just sex. I wanted.....the other stuff."

"Other stuff?" asked Dan.

"You know. I wanted an intimacy that casual sex just couldn't deliver. I wanted someone to hold me till dawn. I wanted to be able to decide not to have sex and just cuddle, and for the guy not to mind. I wanted to feel wanted for more than sex. I doubt that any of the guys I've known in recent months would have been able to provide that." Dan just nodded, indicating his understanding. "And last, but by no means least, there was the men."

"The men?"

She shrugged. "They didn't value me. It took me a while to realise it but it was true. And once I'd reaslised it, I knew that they didn't deserve me. So I decided to wait for someone who does."

"Well I'm glad you finally realised your own worth Natalie. You're too special to waste yourself on jerks."

She smiled. "Thanks Dan. I need to be told things like that now and then."

"Whenever you need it, you know where I am."

"I can't believe we just sat in front of the TV for twelve hours eating cookies, chips and ice-cream" said Natalie.

"It's the American way."

She grinned. "It is. And it's the Natalie way to vow to go to the gym next week to work it off."

"You never go to the gym" said Dan.

"I know. This is also the Natalie way."

Dan laughed then turned his attention back to the TV, now showing commercials.

"I never thought I would get sick of MASH but, twelve hours is too much even for me."

"The new interviews were good though" said Natalie.

"Mmmmm" agreed Dan. "But can you believe the viewers choice for best ever episode?"

"Not even close" said Natalie sadly.

"No" agreed Dan.

There was a long pause which was broken by Natalie. "Wasn't it weird when Hawkeye turned up in ER?"

"What?"

"Hawkeye turned up in ER."

"We didn't watch ER."

"I know. But Hawkeye was in it, and I'm just saying it was weird."

"It wasn't Hawkeye."

"Alan Alda then. It was weird. Total deja vu."

"I don't watch ER."

"Oh."

They both stared at the TV without watching it. Natalie's eyelids drooped and finally closed.

"Don't you fall asleep" said Dan.

"Why?" murmured Natalie.

"Because you're falling asleep on me. Which means I'll have to try and get out without waking you."

"Then don't go" she said.

"What?"

Natalie opened her eyes and pulled herself away from his embrace. She looked at him frankly. "Don't go."

He seemed to struggle within himself. "I thought you were laying off the men?"

"I haven't given up entirely. I said I would wait for someone who was really worth it."

"And you think I am?"

"I know you are. Remember you said I made you feel like a King that night? Well you make me feel like a Princess. You always have."

He stared at her for a long moment. "I want to stay Natalie. You have no idea how much. But I told you what I wanted. And a casual relationship, however friendly, isn't it."

She looked at him for a while, digesting and evaluating his words. "I understand" she said eventually. "It's too soon." She paused. "Maybe we should start again from the beginning."

"The beginning?"

"Ask me out on a date. If you're up to scratch, I might just invite you back for coffee." She smiled. "After that, who knows?"  
  
EPILOGUE - BREAK-UP TWENTY WEEKS  
  
Natalie entered the bar and looked around. She was disappointed not to find what she was looking for. She looked at her watch. It was still early, no need to panic just yet. She was surprised at how tense she felt; it wasn't as if it was her first time after all. But it was her first time for quite a while. Still, she thought, the routine is the same, buy a drink, and wait. She bought a drink and took a seat at the table. It wasn't long before she felt a presence nearby.

"Can I buy you a drink?"

She looked up and saw a man, well dressed, quite good looking, standing next to her. "I already have one thanks" she said.

"Well do you mind if I join you then?" he asked.

She smiled. "Best not. I'm waiting for my boyfriend."  
  
THE END


End file.
